Friday, April 01, 2005

The Ward Churchill fan club gains 60,000 new members

Just came across this press release on the International Raelian Movement website. They've made Ward "Roosting Chickens" Churchill an honorary priest. Churchill joins a clergy that already includes Eminem (for the emptyheaded pacifist song "Mosh"), Thai Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra (for dropping origami birds instead of napalm on restive Muslims in the southern provinces), and Congolese President Denis Sassou Nguesso (who has been accused in Belgian court of crimes against humanity but threw a nice party for the Raelians in Brazzaville in 2001). Bill Gates and Linda Ronstadt fill out the priesthood's diversity nicely, but Michael Moore, Madonna, Ramsey Clark, and George Michael only get to be "honorary guides." The Raelians' lunatic doctrine hinges on the belief that four-foot-tall, olive-complected, bug-eyed aliens put us here as some sort of DNA experiment. (The aliens also supposedly created us "in their image." Thank god that part didn't work out.) Sometime in the 1970's the aliens decided it was time to let us in on the joke, so they contacted a French journalist ... naturally. Here's a picture of him.

Originally uploaded by tompain.
Rael, leader of the International Raelian Movement, or the lunatic formerly known as Claude Vorilhon

Our petite progenitors made it Claude's job to get an embassy built for them before their expected arrival in another decade or so. They want it built in Israel, but the Knesset hasn't been too cooperative thus far. Here's a picture of what it will look like.

Raelian Embassy
Originally uploaded by tompain.

The Raelians keep themselves busy, but not busy building the embassy. They made the news a few years ago when their "scientific" branch, Clonaid, claimed it had cloned a human. They also support their leader's careers as a race car driver, author, and singer/songwriter. And then there's all the time recruiting new members for orgies. Mostly harmless, when you add it all up. Rael's opinions range from common-sense libertarian to absolutely loony, but sometimes the looniness isn't funny. In 2002, Rael thought it appropriate issue a press release expressing his "support to Zimbabwe's President Robert Mugabe for his action to seize the lands of the descendants of colonizers and redistribute them to poor african [sic] farmers." Churchill will fit right in.

In a bizarre twist, the Raelians' website has come under attack recently by Islamist hackers who apparently feel offended by the Raelians' beliefs that Allah does not exist and that Muhammed was a clone trained in public speaking by aliens. Maybe Rael and Cat Stevens can have a "sing-off" to settle their differences. I'll buy a ticket to that.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Correction, it's no longer 60,000 members,it's now 80,000 and climbing :) Approx 1,500 people become Raelians each year.

P.S I'm on twitter, so if you wanna follow me you can do so, my nick name on twitter is RaelianGirl.

9:16 AM  

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